Photo by Alex Shuper on Unsplash
“May you awaken to the Mystery of being here
and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence.
May you have joy and peace in the temple of your senses.”
~~ John O’Donohue
Greetings to all my precious people!!
Last week, we remembered: you are made of stardust. You carry ancient wisdom. You’ve always had the magic.
This week, we turn our attention to what the Daoists call Shen—the spirit that lives in your heart. The light of consciousness. The fire that makes you uniquely, unmistakably YOU.
We are in the deep darkness of December now. The Winter Solstice approaches on December 21—the longest night of the year, when the sun seems to disappear entirely, and we are asked to trust that the light will return.
This is not accidental timing. The darkest night of the year is also the turning point. From this moment forward, the light begins its slow return. The days lengthen. The fire comes back.
But only if we tend it.
The Fire You’ve Been Banking
In Chinese Medicine, Shen resides in the Heart. It is the aspect of yourself that is aware, awake, present. It is the quality that makes your eyes shine, your laugh genuine, your presence magnetic. When Shen is strong and coherent, you feel:
- Alive (not just going through the motions)
- Clear (not foggy or scattered)
- Purposeful (connected to something larger than yourself)
- Joyful (capable of delight, even in difficulty)
- Present (here now, not lost in worry about future or regret about past)
But when Shen is weak or scattered—and this is what happens to so many women by midlife—you feel:
- Numb (disconnected from your own aliveness)
- Confused (unable to access your inner knowing)
- Empty (performing your life from outside yourself)
- Exhausted (even when you’ve slept enough)
- Invisible (even when you’re surrounded by people)
This is what happens when we bank our fire for too long.
We tend everyone else’s flames—partners, children, aging parents, careers, communities. We keep their lights burning while our own reduces to embers. And we tell ourselves this is love. This is nobility. This is what good women do.
But the soul doesn’t care about nobility. The soul cares about aliveness.
And when you’ve banked your fire for too long? The soul starts to roar.
That’s the 3am anxiety. The rage that feels “irrational.” The depression that whispers “what’s the point?” The body that breaks down in mysterious ways.
This is not breakdown. This is breakthrough trying to happen.
Your Shen – your soul fire – is refusing to be banked anymore.
It wants the FLAME back.
The Science of Soul Fire
Dr. Lisa Miller’s research on the awakened brain validates what the mystics and healers have always known: an engaged spiritual life, which includes tending your inner fire, your sense of purpose, your connection to something larger than yourself, makes your brain more resilient. It provides insulation against addiction, depression, and trauma. It enhances your capacity for joy, meaning, and contribution.
Tending your Shen is not selfish. It is survival.
And more than that: it is service. Because you cannot offer your gifts from an empty well. You cannot walk others home if you’ve forgotten the way yourself. You cannot light the path for anyone else if your own flame has gone out.
The world does not need more women performing goodness from depletion.
The world needs women whose soul fire is burning bright.
Women who remember they’re made of stars and live like it.
Women who are AWAKE.
What Dims Shen? What Strengthens It?
In Classical Chinese Medicine, we understand that certain things scatter or weaken Shen:
What Dims Your Fire:
- Chronic stress and overstimulation
- Lack of rest and restorative sleep
- Substance abuse (including overuse of alcohol or cannabis to “escape”)
- Constant digital consumption and social media comparison
- Unprocessed grief and unexpressed emotion
- Living out of alignment with your values
- Chronic overgiving without reciprocity
- Disconnection from nature, beauty, and sacred ritual
What Strengthens Your Fire:
- Adequate rest and sleep (especially deep, dream-rich sleep)
- Practices that cultivate presence: meditation, prayer, contemplation
- Time in nature (especially near water, under trees, under stars)
- Creative expression for its own sake (not for productivity)
- Meaningful connection and authentic relationship
- Rituals that honor the sacred in ordinary life
- Practices that reunite body and spirit: qigong, yoga, breathwork, dance
- Living in alignment with your deepest values, even when it’s hard
- Choosing yourself—not in a selfish way, but in a sovereign way
This Week’s Ritual: The Solstice Fire Ceremony
The Winter Solstice (December 21) is the perfect moment to reclaim your fire. You don’t need to wait for the exact day—any evening this week will do. This is a ceremony, not a task. Give it the reverence it deserves.
What you’ll need:
- A candle (or several—the more fire, the better)
- Paper and pen
- A fireproof bowl or dish
- Quiet, uninterrupted time
- Seasonal greenery (pine, cedar, holly),
- Essential oils (frankincense, rosemary, pine), a bell or chime
The Ceremony:
Part 1: Honor the Darkness (5 minutes)
Sit in the dark before lighting any candles. Let yourself feel the winter darkness. This isn’t frightening—it’s the womb. The fertile void. The space from which all light emerges.
Place your hand on your heart. Feel your own warmth. Your own pulse. Even in the darkness, your fire still burns. It has never gone out. It’s just been waiting.
Part 2: Name What Dims Your Fire (10 minutes)
Light one candle. By its light, write down everything that has been dimming your fire:
- The relationships that drain you
- The obligations you’ve said yes to out of guilt
- The stories you tell yourself about what you deserve
- The ways you’ve been banking your flame for others
- The beliefs that keep you small
Be honest. Be thorough. This is between you and your soul.
Part 3: The Release (5 minutes)
Read what you’ve written aloud—to yourself, to the darkness, to the fire, to whatever you consider holy. Then say:
“I release these. They are not mine to carry anymore. I give them to the fire. I choose my own flame.”
Burn the paper safely in the fireproof bowl. Watch it transform into ash and smoke. This is alchemy. You are transmuting what no longer serves into space for what does.
Part 4: Reclaim Your Fire (10 minutes)
Light more candles now. Let the light build. As you light each one, speak aloud:
I reclaim my fire.
I tend my Shen.
I choose aliveness over performance.
I choose presence over perfection.
I choose my soul’s truth over others’ expectations.
I remember: I am made of stars.
My light is not optional. It is essential.
The world needs my fire burning bright.
Sit with the candles for as long as you wish. Let the warmth, the light, the beauty feed your Shen. This is medicine.
Part 5: The Commitment (5 minutes)
Before you blow out the candles, make one promise to yourself:
“I commit to tending my fire. Not someday. Not when everything else is handled. NOW. Because my aliveness matters. Because I am worthy of my own tending. Because the world needs what I came here to offer.”
Write this commitment down and place it somewhere you’ll see it daily.
Then extinguish the candles with gratitude: “The light returns. In me. Through me. As me.”
Walking the Path of Fire
David Whyte writes about the courage it takes to claim what’s rightfully ours—especially when part of us “never believed we could deserve this.”
For many women in midlife, reclaiming our soul fire feels audacious. Even selfish. We’ve been taught that tending ourselves is vanity, that prioritizing our aliveness is narcissism, that choosing ourselves means we’re not good women.
This is the lie that has kept us banked for decades.
The truth – the radical, liberating truth – is this: tending your Shen is how you become capable of true service. Not the martyred, depleted kind. But the kind that flows from overflow. From genuine aliveness. From a soul on fire.
In my work with women navigating midlife’s passages—whether through acupuncture and herbs in my clinical practice or through the deeper transformational work I call the C.O.A.C.H. Method—I witness this reclamation again and again.
The moment a woman decides: “I’m done banking my fire. I’m done waiting for permission. I choose myself.”
Everything shifts. Her body relaxes. Her eyes brighten. Her voice strengthens. Her Shen comes home.
This is not selfishness. This is sacred responsibility.
If you feel the stirring—if your soul fire is demanding to be tended, if you’re tired of the embers and ready for the flame—know that this is your moment. Water season. The Snake Year’s transformative energy. The turning point of the Solstice.
This is sacred timing.
And you don’t have to do it alone. The work of reclaiming your fire, of tending your Shen, of remembering your aliveness—this is what I’m here for. Not to give you something you don’t have, but to witness what’s already there. To midwife your emergence.
I have a few spots available for 1:1 work beginning in late December or January. If you feel called, let’s talk.
But for now, for this week, tend your fire. Light your candles. Speak your commitments. Choose yourself.
The light is returning. Let it begin with you.
Next Friday: Walking Each Other Home. Ram Dass’s most beautiful teaching, the paradox of sacred service, and what it means to tend your own fire while lighting the way for others. This is where it gets really good.
“Speak the truth that you carry in your heart like a hidden treasure.
Be silly. Be good. Be weird.
There is no time for anything else.”
~~ Anthony Hopkins
