Photo by Arno Smit on Unsplash
“If I just fixed that one thing, I’d finally feel OK.”
~~ Kate Gies
Greetings to all my precious people!!
Today is the Spring Equinox. Equal light and dark. Perfect balance. The moment between winter’s interior work and spring’s outward emergence.
And I want to ask you a question that might make you uncomfortable:
What are you asking your appearance to do for you?
Not your body. Your appearance.
Your weight. Your skin. Your hair. Your wrinkles. Your belly. Your thighs.
What are you asking them to prove?
The Fix-It Trap
Elise Loehnen, on her podcast Pulling the Thread, interviewed Kate Gies—a woman born without an ear who underwent 14 reconstructive surgeries as a child.
Kate learned something most of us don’t discover until much later:
Fixing the body rarely delivers the relief it promises.
Each surgery was supposed to make her whole. Complete. Finally okay.
But wholeness never came from the surgeries. Because the problem was never her body.
The problem was what she was asking her body to PROVE.
Most of us are stuck in the same trap:
“If I just lost 10 pounds…”
“If I just fixed this one thing…”
“If I just looked younger…”
If I just had her body…”
THEN I’d finally feel worthy. Lovable. Enough. Visible. In control.
But the goalpost keeps moving. The relief never comes. Because you’re asking your appearance to do something it cannot do:
Prove your worth.
What I’ve Witnessed
In nearly 20 years of clinical work, I’ve watched women torture themselves over their bodies.
Not because they’re vain. Not because they’re shallow.
Because they’ve been taught that their appearance IS their worth.
And so they:
- Diet endlessly (even though 95% of diets fail long-term)
- Exercise to punish, not to move with joy
- Scrutinize every photo, every mirror, every reflection
- Apologize for aging, for taking up space, for existing in a body that changes
- Spend thousands on products, procedures, “solutions” that promise to fix what was never broken
The beauty industry makes $500+ billion annually by keeping women in low-grade shame.
“You’re not quite right. But we can fix you. Buy this. Try that. Maybe this will finally be enough.”
It will never be enough. Because the issue isn’t your body.
The Real Question
Elise Loehnen asks it perfectly in her book On Our Best Behavior:
“What are you asking your appearance to do for you?”
Are you asking it to prove:
- Your worthiness? (If I look good enough, I’ll finally matter)
- Your lovability? (If I’m attractive enough, I’ll be chosen)
- Your relevance? (If I don’t look old, I won’t be invisible)
- Your control? (If I can manage my body, I can manage my life)
- Your goodness? (If I’m disciplined with my body, I’m a good person)
Here’s the truth: Your appearance cannot prove any of these things.
Because they’re already true.
You are worthy: not because of how you look, but because you exist.
You are lovable: not because you fit a beauty standard, but because you’re human.
You are relevant: not because you’re young, but because you have lived wisdom.
You have control: not over your body’s aging, but over how you respond to it.
You are good: not because you denied yourself the donut, but because you show up with care.
Your appearance cannot give you what you’re seeking. Only you can give yourself that.
Spring Equinox: Balance Point
Today on the Spring Equinox is the perfect day to ask yourself:
Am I balanced?
Or am I still at war with my body? Still trying to fix, control, improve, manage?
What if, instead of fixing, you LISTENED?
What if, instead of despising your body, you cherished it?
What if you stopped asking your appearance to prove your worth and started trusting that you’re already whole?
This is the work.
Not body positivity cheerleading. Not affirmations in the mirror.
But actual, embodied practice of treating your body as teacher instead of problem.
The Workshop: Beyond the Fix-It Trap
This is why I’m creating the Beyond the Fix-It Trap workshop.
Because women need a place to:
- Stop fixing and start listening
- Practice body wisdom in community
- Witness each other without judgment
- Learn what symptoms are actually saying
- Reclaim the body as oracle, not obstacle
Half-day. In-person. Interactive. Real.
Not lecture. Not another “here’s what’s wrong with you, here’s the solution.”
But actual practice of coming HOME to your body.
Join the Waitlist now.
1:1 Work: Midwifing Emergence
If you’re ready to do this work deeply—to unlearn the Fix-It Trap, to stop asking your body to prove your worth, to build actual embodied trust—the 1:1 C.O.A.C.H. Intensive is designed for this.
Three months – twelve sessions. We work with:
What you’re ACTUALLY asking your appearance to do (the hidden contracts)
Unlearning the conditioning (good girl, beauty standards, worthiness tied to looks)
Learning your body’s language (Chinese Medicine lens)
Building new relationship with your body (teacher, not problem)
Speaking from embodied truth (not performing for others)
This work changes lives. Not because I’m magic. Because you stop fighting yourself.
Book a conversation for curiosity and let’s imagine the possibilities!!
Acupuncture: Body Translation
If you just need help understanding what your body is saying—why symptoms are showing up, what your cycles are teaching, how to work WITH your body instead of against it—acupuncture is the entry point.
Chinese Medicine sees the body as wise. Symptoms as information. Cycles as teachers.
I help you translate what your body is trying to tell you.
Today, on the Spring Equinox, ask yourself:
What am I asking my appearance to prove?
And then ask:
What if I already am what I’m seeking to prove?
What would change if I believed that?
Everything.
P.S. The Fix-It Trap ends when you stop asking your body to be different and start listening to what it’s teaching. That’s the work. That’s the practice. That’s the freedom on the other side.
“To lose confidence in one’s body
is to lose confidence in oneself.”
~~ Simone de Beauvoir
