“You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.”
~~ Desiderata
Greetings to all my precious people!!
Last week, we explored self-compassion as the radical foundation that makes all other kindness sustainable. This week, we dive into something equally essential for those called to serve: SOLACE.
Not escapism. Not withdrawal from the world’s needs. But the ancient art of creating sanctuary within yourself—that place of peace and restoration you can access even while engaged in the most challenging service to others.
This is about learning to be a refuge for others while remaining a refuge for yourself.
The Solace Imperative: Why Sanctuary Isn’t Selfish
In our hyperconnected world of constant need and endless crisis, many healers, helpers, and conscious women experience what researchers call “empathy fatigue” or “compassion burnout.” We feel guilty for needing rest, selfish for seeking peace, indulgent for creating beauty in a world full of suffering.
But here’s what research reveals: People who cultivate solace—internal sanctuary—are actually MORE effective servants of the world, not less.
University of Wisconsin’s research on sustainable compassion shows:
- Practitioners with strong “inner refuge” practices serve longer without burnout
- They demonstrate greater emotional resilience during collective challenges
- They maintain hope and effectiveness even while witnessing significant suffering
- They inspire rather than drain the people around them
- They contribute to collective healing rather than adding to collective exhaustion
Dr. Richard Davidson, who led this research, explains: “Solace isn’t about avoiding the world’s pain—it’s about developing the inner resources to meet that pain with presence, wisdom, and sustainable energy rather than becoming overwhelmed or depleted by it.”
The Irish Understanding: Suaimhneas as Sacred Practice
In Irish Gaelic, the word suaimhneas (SUE-av-ness) means peace, tranquility, rest—but it carries deeper meanings that our English words miss:
Suaimhneas encompasses:
- Inner stillness that remains stable regardless of external circumstances
- Sacred rest that restores rather than numbs
- Peace that includes rather than excludes difficulty
- Sanctuary that travels with you rather than requiring special conditions
Traditional Irish culture understood suaimhneas not as luxury but as necessity—especially for those who served their communities. The wisdom keepers, healers, and leaders were expected to cultivate this inner sanctuary precisely because their work required them to hold space for others’ pain and challenges.
Modern research validates this ancient wisdom: People who cultivate inner sanctuary show greater capacity for what scientists call “stable compassion”—the ability to remain caring and effective even during prolonged exposure to suffering.
The Neuroscience of Sanctuary
UCLA’s Mindfulness Research Center has studied what happens in the brain when people cultivate inner solace:
Neurological Benefits of Solace Practice:
- Strengthened prefrontal cortex – enhanced emotional regulation and perspective-taking
- Calmed amygdala response – reduced reactivity to stress and crisis
- Improved default mode network regulation – less rumination and anxiety
- Enhanced vagal tone – better nervous system flexibility and recovery
- Increased connectivity between emotional and wisdom centers
The remarkable finding: People with strong solace practices show brain patterns similar to experienced meditators, even during times of high stress or service to others.
Dr. Sara Lazar’s research reveals: “Solace practice literally changes brain structure in ways that make you more resilient, compassionate, and effective—especially during challenging circumstances that would overwhelm someone without these inner resources.”
The Midlife Solace Advantage
Research shows that women over 40 are uniquely positioned to develop profound solace practices:
Why Midlife Women Excel at Inner Sanctuary:
Neurological Readiness:
- Increased emotional regulation from decades of life experience
- Enhanced pattern recognition – you can identify what truly restores vs. what just distracts
- Improved stress perspective – you know from experience that difficult times pass
- Decreased need for external stimulation – you can find peace in simpler experiences
Life Experience Wisdom:
- You’ve survived major challenges – you know your capacity for resilience
- You understand the cost of burnout – you’ve learned why self-care isn’t optional
- You’ve refined your values – you know what matters most and what’s just noise
- You’ve developed discernment – you can distinguish between productive and destructive worry
Life Stage Advantages:
- Reduced performance pressure – less need to prove yourself or meet others’ expectations
- Clearer priorities – awareness of limited time helps focus on what’s essential
- Greater autonomy – more control over your schedule and choices
- Enhanced appreciation – capacity to find profound meaning in simple experiences
Ancient Wisdom About Sanctuary in Service
Traditional cultures understood that those called to serve needed special practices for maintaining inner peace:
Buddhist Tradition: The Middle Way of Engagement
- Compassion without attachment – caring deeply while releasing outcomes
- Mindful presence – staying rooted in awareness even during intense service
- Refuge practices – daily connection to inner sanctuary through meditation and ritual
- Community support – sangha as external sanctuary that supports inner peace
Celtic Tradition: The Thin Places
- Caim (protection prayers) – creating sacred circles of peace around yourself
- Sacred landscape – finding thin places where peace is more accessible
- Soul friendship – relationships that restore rather than drain
- Seasonal wisdom – understanding natural rhythms of engagement and rest
Indigenous Wisdom: Walking in Balance
- Connection to earth as source of restoration and grounding
- Ceremonial practice – regular rituals that restore spiritual equilibrium
- Ancestor guidance – drawing on wisdom of those who served before you
- Community holding – being held by the community you serve
Christian Contemplative Tradition: Active Contemplation
- Contemplation in action – maintaining inner communion with the divine during service
- Desert wisdom – understanding the necessity of withdrawal for spiritual renewal
- Mystical union – experiencing oneness that transcends individual suffering
- Service as prayer – seeing care for others as form of worship and spiritual practice
Solace Practices: Creating Sanctuary That Travels
1. The Portable Sanctuary Practice
Create an internal refuge you can access anywhere:
- Breath as anchor – three deep breaths that reconnect you to inner peace
- Heart-centering – hand on heart with moment of self-compassion
- Sacred phrase – mantra or prayer that instantly connects you to solace
- Visualization – brief imagery of your most peaceful place
2. The Daily Sanctuary Ritual
Establish non-negotiable time for inner restoration:
- Morning grounding – 10 minutes connecting with your inner sanctuary before engaging the world
- Midday reset – brief return to solace during busy periods
- Evening release – practice for letting go of the day’s challenges and returning to peace
- Weekly retreat – longer period for deeper restoration and perspective
3. The Nature Solace Practice
Use connection with natural world as sanctuary:
- Daily outdoor time – even 5 minutes connecting with sky, trees, or earth
- Seasonal awareness – aligning your inner rhythms with natural cycles
- Weather as teacher – finding lessons and solace in all weather conditions
- Earth as witness – sharing your burdens with the natural world
4. The Sacred Boundary Practice
Create healthy separation between your peace and others’ chaos:
- Energy hygiene – practices for clearing absorbed stress and emotion
- Compassionate detachment – caring without taking on others’ problems as your own
- Time boundaries – protecting periods of rest and restoration
- Emotional boundaries – distinguishing between empathy and emotional absorption
5. The Beauty as Medicine Practice
Use appreciation of beauty as pathway to solace:
- Daily beauty noticing – consciously appreciating something beautiful each day
- Creative restoration – engaging in creative activities that feed your soul
- Sacred space creation – making your physical environment a source of peace
- Art and music – using aesthetic experience as medicine for the soul
Solace in Community: Creating Collective Sanctuary
Your individual solace practice contributes to collective peace:
Communities with “solace leaders” demonstrate:
- Lower overall stress levels – your inner peace literally calms others
- Enhanced collective resilience – groups can face challenges without panic or chaos
- More sustainable service practices – people can give without depleting themselves
- Greater creativity and innovation – peace creates space for new solutions
- Deeper connection and intimacy – people feel safer being vulnerable and authentic
Research shows that just one person with strong solace practice can improve the nervous system regulation of up to 10 people in their immediate environment.
The Paradox of Engagement Through Solace
Here’s what seems contradictory but proves true: The more deeply you cultivate inner sanctuary, the more effectively you can engage with the world’s challenges.
People with strong solace practices:
- See situations more clearly because they’re not clouded by their own reactivity
- Respond more wisely because they’re accessing calm wisdom rather than anxious reaction
- Sustain service longer because they’re drawing from renewable rather than finite resources
- Inspire hope in others because they embody peace that’s possible even amid difficulty
This isn’t spiritual bypassing—it’s spiritual resourcing.
Your Solace Experiment
This week, I invite you to become an architect of inner sanctuary:
Days 1-2: Sanctuary Assessment
- Notice when you feel most peaceful and restored vs. most depleted and scattered
- Identify what currently serves as refuge in your life and what pretends to but doesn’t
- Assess how your current peace practices support or hinder your service to others
Days 3-4: Solace Practice Implementation
- Choose one daily sanctuary practice to implement consistently
- Experiment with accessing inner peace during challenging or busy moments
- Notice what resistance arises to prioritizing your own restoration
Days 5-7: Community Sanctuary
- Pay attention to how your inner peace affects the people around you
- Practice offering calm presence to others while maintaining your own sanctuary
- Notice whether cultivating solace makes you more or less available for service
Notice:
- How does inner sanctuary change your capacity to handle stress and challenge?
- What happens to your relationships when you prioritize your own restoration?
- How might your solace practice serve the collective need for peace and wisdom?
The Sacred Questions
I want to hear from you:
- Where do you currently find genuine solace vs. temporary escape from difficulty?
- How might prioritizing inner sanctuary enhance rather than diminish your service to others?
- What would change in your community if you modeled the possibility of peace amid challenge?
- How could your solace practice become medicine for collective anxiety and overwhelm?
With profound gratitude for your willingness to serve,
Kathy
“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that
there was in me an invincible summer.”
~~ Albert Camus
