Photo by takwa abdo on Unsplash
“I learned a long time ago the wisest thing I can do
is be on my own side.”
— Maya Angelou
Greetings to all my precious people!!
What do you need right now?
When was the last time you actually checked in with your Self and asked? We are exquisitely attuned to the needs of everyone else. We know when the baby needs feeding, when the dog needs walking, when our people need a hug, a nap, a snack. But us? How often do we touch base with our own precious Self and ask what needs tending?
Just let that settle for a moment. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Place your hand over your heart — and ask: What do I need right now?
We’re in the middle of August, the hinge between the fiery Yang of True Summer and Late Summer, the fifth season in Chinese Medicine. This is the Earth-element season — the time of nurturing, nourishment, and reciprocity. It’s the body’s invitation to slow down, gather in, and replenish the reserves before autumn asks us to turn inward. A perfect moment for a course correction if you’ve drifted from your own dreams and desires. Did you fall off course this year? And if so — gently — why? And how might you steer back?
Dr. Emma Seppälä, psychologist and author of Sovereign, reminds us of something easy to forget: the relationship with your Self is the only relationship you’ll have for your entire life. It’s the foundation under everything else. So when there’s harshness or static in that relationship, it bleeds into all the others.
And most of us carry a startling amount of that static. The neuroscience is humbling: somewhere between 95 and 99% of our daily actions run on subconscious programming — on autopilot. Now, the subconscious is also a marvel: it keeps your heart beating, your temperature steady, your breath moving, the chemistry of billions of cells in harmony, all without a single conscious instruction. We can be grateful for that miracle. And we can get curious about what else is running down there — the old stories, the inherited scripts — so we can weave the programming together with our actual dreams.
Here’s something worth knowing: the moment you try to change an established pattern, your subconscious makes you feel uncomfortable — emotionally and physically. It’s a primal safety response, designed to keep you in the familiar. Even thinking about doing something new can trigger that tightness. Think back to a time you wanted to change jobs, or speak up in a meeting. Where did the discomfort land in your body? What did the interior voice say?
Seppälä has a name for that interior voice when it turns cruel: the inner terrorist — the running self-criticism that trips the fight-or-flight switch and keeps us agitated, reactive, and far from our own wisdom. And here’s her elegant reframe. Instead of looping on “am I good enough?”, turn the question around:
What is good for me now?
It’s a small, practical, almost sneaky move — and it interrupts the autopilot negativity at the root. Pair it with the body-level question — what do I need right now? — and you have a secret weapon. It might be a hug. A walk in nature. Stepping away from the screen to eat something real. Trust that you know. The practice is choosing your response instead of firing off the old reaction.
This is the beginning of something the Irish would call becoming your own Anam Cara — your own soul friend. We so easily extend patience and tenderness to the people we love; the work of a lifetime is learning to walk beside our own Self with that same kindness. At first we often need a soul friend outside us — a companion, a guide, a circle of women — to show us it’s possible. But the destination is an inner one: the day the kind, steady voice that asks what do you need right now? becomes your own voice. I think of my role as midwife to exactly that: I can’t do your becoming for you, but I can keep you company through the uncomfortable contractions of change, and remind you that the discomfort isn’t a sign something’s wrong — it’s often the sign something new is being born.
Remember this: you are the greatest project you will ever work on. Restart. Reset. Refocus. As many times as you need. Keep going.
If you’d like a companion for that work — I support women one-on-one through exactly these turnings, and I hold small circles where women do this reprogramming alongside each other (it’s remarkable what becomes possible when you’re not the only one asking the brave questions). Reply here or book a discovery call and we’ll find the shape that fits you.
“There is only one corner of the universe
you can be certain of improving,
and that’s your own self.”
— Aldous Huxley
